My Letter to David Cook...

Dear David Cook,

You know, you are awesome. Fan from the get go. I even thought you were amazing WITH the hair in the beginning(during the top 24, the audition hair was alright ;) ). And now you are the American Idol for 2008 thanks to those who voted for you (I voted in my sleep)!

Now, I went to see you in Atlanta on the AI tour...it was great, except Larry King stopped you guys from coming out before the show, and you just don't come out after the show, and well, that was sad for me. But it's ok! I still loved ya.

Then I saw you again in Atlanta Dec. 15th, and you friggin rocked it! It was awesome being right up to the stage and just watching you! Then I met Brillo head(long story) and not you, which was sad...But I did have the best drink in the world that night, Thanks Bartender Lady!

And now, here I am waiting like a drug addict for your damn "tewer" dates and they are coming out soooooo slowly and you are going around your ass crack in the first 3 days! Good LORD! If these damn dates would just come out, I could make some plans decide MY BEST PLAN of action to get out there and see you! But, you mysteriously put out these random things that get to ME way late and now these OLD COUGAR women are flying across country and taking all of the darn tickets to the one show you have up, which very well might be the only one close to me! Oh, wait there's a show in Tallahassee, but I don't know WHERE AT in Tallahassee! COME ON! DATES! OUT! NOW! It would behoove you to give them out so maybe some of us poor younger fans just getting started in life and aren't in college could maybe come see you before you go onto the BIG arenas and make it THAT much more difficult to reach you.

Thank you so much...I still love you, and want to have your babies, like the Natasha Beddingfield song.

Drue(I'm a girl)

Bored!

Yea, I am bored!

It's 4:30 in the afternoon and I am utterly bored! But with that, it gives me time to think about how stupid people are!

There is this site I go to where people post about things. It about one celebrity in particular, right? So it's just a spot where fans put up something maybe another fan hasn't seen, or talk about meeting them, or whatever. It's suppose to be fun.

So, fans....comes from the word fanatic right? Fanatic is a pretty intense word. So to be a fan of someone you are pretty intense about your "feelings" for them and whatever their art is. So for especially younger girls to be a fan its gotta be pretty intense. I rememner back in my Hanson loving days and being so invested in them. Their songs, seeing them in concert. It was like my life! So now, when I see these young girls on this site over a new talent get so excited and emotional, I remember what it was like. For me now, it's not quite like that anymore, but I can understand. But not these old bitches on this site. They constantly remind these girls to calm down and basically don't be ridiculous. They call it absurd and borderline disrespectful that they cry watching a performance. Seriously?! Leave these girls alone! Because you are SO OLD and CRANKY that you have to make these girls feel dumb for their feelings, come on! This man they are fans of wouldn't do that to them, what gives YOU the right?! You don't think this guy has ever seen a performance and cried b/c it touched him?! COME ON! And on other threads they fight about standing in line to see this person on a TV show, so a group of people started the line EARLY in the morning, and these same mean old bitches try and call them outm b/c they didn't want to. Well fine, you didn't want to! Why do you have to tell these people they were being rude and trying to make them feel less of a fan, blah blah blah. Seriously? You're 80 years old, haven't you grown out of it?!

And seriously, the guy is a celebrity now, right? He chose the lifestyle, he could have decided to stay in mediocrity and live a normal life playing bars. So, when you are a celebrity, not that I am saying it is fair, but losing some of your privacy is a given. It is going to happen. So for you to get all pissy b/c these interviewers are asking your precious celebrity a private question, come on! you are lying to yourself if you say you don't want to know. Because that means you don't read People magazine, you don't look at magazine covers or celebrities babies and you completely stay away from EVERY bit of an interview that has NOTHING to do with their Album or new movie. Other than that YOU are prying into their life too just by listening! Come on! These people who willingly go into stardom, like people who go and try out on let's say AMERICAN IDOL! they know what the hell is going to happen if they win. And let's say if they ask someone out on TV well now the nation is let in on that. You let the people in, and now they are invested in that part of your life. You will be asked, and asked, and asked! So, answer the question and move on!

Yea...see what happens when I am bored? Stay out of my WAR PATH! LOL.

So, those are my random thoughts for today! Peace out!

A looong day

Another one of those whopper of a days today...

I slept all of 4 hours, which sorta sucks. Not necessarily the worst in the world I know, but hey, I like my sleep and I'm a little grumpy when its cut short.

I get up to do my brother a favor, not too big of a deal, except I didn't really want to. But, I didn't have a reason not to, figuring he works and right now I don't. So I went to do him a favor, which was really small to begin with, but on my way turned into something bigger. SO, that was a little frustrating. AND then I get there and what he told me he wanted was impossible! It costs more than he told me it would, so I had to put in what LITTLE money I had for it, and then when I call him to tell him, he tells me I did it wrong. WHAT?! I do you a favor, I go over your instructions you say that's right, I do it and it goes wrong, and now I got it wrong?! WTF! Seriously? Yea, I know this is a bunch of whining, but you're talking to someone who is majorly down right now.

Last night when I couldn't sleep, it was like my iPod knew I was not having a good time and tried to help me out with it...and played every song that makes me cry! Good grief!

I guess the just of it all is, I kow I did someone wrong. There's no if's, and's, or buts about it. I am hurting them. All because I have this problem with everything in my life. I want to just start over and don't know how...

I gotta pee right now.... We'll see if I add more...I'll probably just decide to bitch a little more...but hey atleast it will be about other people later and not about my pity party!

My very first!

Here I go, losing my blogging virginity...

I wasn't exactly sure why anyone besides a self absorbed celebrity would even bother doing this...All be it, I actually find my fave celebs blogs and actually read them as soon as they are updated...but why shouldn't I write a blog? What is so special about them that I feel like my words or thoughts or well wishes to the masses are any less. Maybe no one will read them, maybe they will! But in the end, who cares! You do this for yourself at first if you aren't a celebrity, you do this to satiate your own ego. Then if people actually decide they want to read it, then maybe you can lie to yourself and say that you are doing it for your audience...I will go out and tell you, I am doing this for me and me alone. My own ego...to help me feel like maybe I am not alone in anything.

Today wasn't a good day for me. And only because I am wallowing in my own self pity. I quit my job 4 months ago thinking I was going to go off and actually be with someone. That's not what happened, not at all. And honestly I don't think I really had any real intentions of going...I want change I preach it to myself all of the time, but that is definately not what I had in mind. So for 4 months I have been unemployed and miserable. Good God, who would have thought not working would be so depressing.

I should finish school one of these days, but I am at the point where you have to have some sort of area to actually study, and Lord only knows what the hell I want to do there. I can do the "smart" thing and be a teacher, a definate job when I get out, or do I take a chance and do something I want to do. And then, what the hell do I do? I use to dance, use to...haven't done that in 4 years. I thought about taking up photography, b/c that seems like an awesome thing to learn. Ah who knows...

Anyway, today wasn't a good day. I had a mini meltdown. Realizing my new failure at life...I have hurt someone who still might not win the nicest guy in the world trophey, but doesn't deserve what I am putting him through. I am relying on a lot from my parents...and by this time in my life I should be better at the self preservation technique. And I am so far in my own little world I am not paying attention to anyone or anything esle around me. I am solost in my own crap, that I can't see straight!

So what I do? Do I make a decision and just follow it? Yea, who really does that? Who finds that so easy that it just happens...The thing is I want to live, but I don't want to do it alone...I want to share experiences in my life so I have someone to always talk to about it. So I can look back at those moments and have someone to recall that memory with.

Funny thing, with how much I feel like I depend on people...I mean I can't even say I want to move to blah blah, unless I know someone will go with me! I don't move alone...I can't move alone....but I definately can feel my own pain. I am definately the Pride in Pride & Prejudice. I don't want people to think of me as weak, but with that I guess that's all I exude! So what a dumbass I am!

So, here ya go...An intro to me, the me now, and maybe through these entries and refelctions and who knows someone elses comments, I can grow and maybe be someone who isn't so scared of life. SO! Sorry for the incoherent selfish babbling, but it is MY blog...deal!